GREETINGS FROM UNCLE ‘B’

NEWS Tuesday 23rd December 2014, 10:26pm

by Brian Gray

  Edinburgh Monarchs

The other day I had just plonked myself down in front of the television to watch the Jeremy Kyle Show when the telephone rang and this was the conversation!

Ring, ring. Ring, ring. Ring, ring.

Me: 'Hello, Uncle B here. How can I help you?'

Voice: 'Hello B. John here. Hope you are well. I just wanted to ask you something.'

B: 'No problem at all John. Fire away.'

JDC: 'B, there's not a lot of news at the moment. Can you make contributions for the next two weeks to help eke things out?'

B: 'Sure I can. I was thinking of setting a wee quiz similar to the one I did at New Year last year.'

JDC: 'That sounds good. Can you write a piece for Christmas week?'

B: 'Course I can but, like you say, there's not a lot to chat about.'

JDC: 'I'm sure you'll think up something. You're efforts are usually a load of made up drivel anyway!'

B: 'Drivel. DRIVEL!'

JDC: 'Well, you know what I mean. They're not of a high journalistic standard!'

B: 'High Journalistic Standard!! Let me tell you, I've had folk telling me they can't wait to hear what's been happening and that they enjoy reading something a bit different!'

JDC: 'Yes, but the Club's regular writers punch out the serious news stories!'

B: 'Seriously! With a name like Toby Lerone! Sounds more like a Swiss triangular chocolate bar than a Speedway contributor!'

JDC: 'Okay, fair enough but who wants to read about what the burgers and chips are like around the tracks or whether your overnight accommodation is satisfactory?'

B: 'That's very important to some folk! It's these litt.......'

At that point, the line went dead and we never did finish the conversation! I reversed the 'mute' button on the TV but missed the DNA results and will never know if the dysfunctional family discovered harmony!

So, I've decided not to do a bit for Xmas week but will be excitedly doing a Quiz for next! Until then I sincerely hope you have a seriously, wonderful Xmas and hope that Santa is good to you. Look after each other and take care!

Uncle ‘B’